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My Email Woes
Posted by Joe on April 08 2011
My Email Woes
I have 1 personal email account, 1 company email, the show inbox, a Facebook inbox, and a personal-show email. I check most of them regularly. I am, however, admittedly terrible about signing into the personal-show account.

There was no real reason for that, it just happened to be the last that came along. And so, like a fourth child (or any adopted one) you unintentionally ignore it. That being said, I do occasionally check it. Most of what I have sent to me is fine. Typically it's a video someone thought might be decent show material or a request to intern on the show, maybe just a thought on something I may have said or did. That's all completely fine, but there are those few emails that don't seem to make me want to change my email-checking habits anytime soon.

I'd like to share, with you all, an email exchange that I had with someone the other day. Not one sentence on his end or mine has been edited in any way. I did remove his name and personal info; I don't want this person to get bombarded with hate mail, I just want them to die. Enjoy:

March 7, 2011 5:22 AM
Subject: just saw something ununusal on your webcam
Body:
i am a new vip-member and i think your funny but why is the handle for your cofee mug so huge, please hold up your finggers so i can see

March 7, 2011 5:24 AM
Subject: joe stop
Body:
dont crack your neck like that its bad could be paralized

March 7, 2011 5:26 AM
Subject:**URGENT** JOE I JUST SAW A GHOST TO THE LEFT OF YOU
Body:
SORRY i know your busy but i was watching your cam and LOOK RIGHT NOW YOUR CAM IS PICKING UP A GHOST ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE CAMERA SCREEN

March 7, 2011 5:35 AM
Subject: who are you texting
Body:
is it your hot mom LOL

March 7, 2011 5:38 AM
Subject: ok so i guess you hate your fans great
Body:
your the only guy i like and i paid money to watch your cam here at work and you ignore me what a waste

I have finally logged into my account to see these disgusting displays of thoughts on my screen. I write:

March 8, 2011 5:01 AM
Subject: Re: ok so i guess you hate your fans great
Body:
What are you talking about? I just got your emails. Why don't you have some patience you fucking cry baby.

He responds with this:

March 8, 2011 6:18 AM
Subject: Re: ok so i guess you hate your fans great
Body:
gee thanks for the prompt 24 hour later response you cock knuckle

It's my turn again:

March 8, 2011 6:24 AM
Subject: Re: ok so i guess you hate your fans great
Body:
Now, to answer your other emails...

1.) Subject: just saw something ununusal on your webcam
Body: i am a new vip-member and i think your funny but why is the handle for
your cofee mug so huge, please hold up your finggers so i can see
Reply: Hey *****,
My coffee mug handle is so big because my hand is three times that of the average man. I had to have this one specially made. It's pricey to do so, but I think it's worth it.
Love,
Joe

2.) Subject: joe stop
Body: dont crack your neck like that its bad could be paralized
Reply: Hey *****,
Thanks for your concern. I will try really really hard to stop doing it. From what I hear, being paralyzed is a real bummer.
Love,
Joe

3.) Subject: **URGENT** JOE I JUST SAW A GHOST TO THE LEFT OF YOU
Body: SORRY i know your busy but i was watching your cam and LOOK RIGHT NOW
YOUR CAM IS PICKING UP A GHOST ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE CAMERA SCREEN
Reply: Hey *****,
HOLY SHIT!!! Are you serious?! I wished I had seen this earlier! I just called my local ghostbuster; they cant get here till after the show. Until then, I've brought a string of hazelnuts and a bulb of garlic to work. Hopefully I'm not late and your warning wasn't sent in vain.
Love,
Joe

4.)Subject: who are you texting
Body: is it your hot mom LOL
Reply: Hey *****,
I'm not sure who I was texting at that time. It probably wasn't my hot mom since we typically talk on the phone. It may have been my fiance.
I'm sorry I can't give you an answer on this matter.
Love,
Joe

Surprisingly, I got zero response back from him. At this point I decided to be proactive in the thread and wrote this to him:

March 8, 2011 6:35 AM
Subject: Where We Go From Here
Body:
Hey *****,
Next time you get on your computer and decide to send an email please think before you hit send. Is this a pointless email? Will this make me look like the biggest fucking idiot in the world? Will everyone think I'm retarded when this correspondence is posted to a blog? Is this why no one likes talking to me, or just plain hate me in general? Those are the questions you should ask yourself.

To be clear, the only reason I wrote you back is to display your idiocy. No, I don't check my FBHW email as regularly as I could, but I wouldn't have done anything more than look at your emails anyway.
Love,
Joe

His response:

March 8, 2011 6:41 AM
Subject: Re: ok so i guess you hate your fans great
Body:
you win this round, joe
__________________________________________________________________

Nope, I win all rounds - at least with you.
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