Fark

Man hhhhhholds up bank armed only with his hhhhhhalitosis [Florida]

2009-11-20T20:46:28Z

Angry man in van terrorizes peaceful island for years; now the lead singer of the Killer Bagels is dead. Not a movie plot, unfortunately [Sad]

2009-11-20T20:27:44Z

Apple tells smokers who have sent their machines in for repair that their warranty is voided, because it doesn't cover damage caused by second-hand smoke. WHERE IS YOUR OS X NOW? [Amusing]

2009-11-20T20:00:36Z

[link] [76 comments]

Photoshop these seashore shards [Photoshop]

2009-11-20T19:57:57Z

ADM says corn chowder will be creamier for the holidays this year [Sick]

2009-11-20T19:57:38Z

Superhero Smackdown: The FINAL. Superman vs The Flash [Hero]

2009-11-20T19:51:35Z

[link] [47 comments]

Doughnut shop robbed and employees forced to remove pants at gunpoint; unbelievably, police were nowhere to be found [Strange]

2009-11-20T19:28:29Z

AAA releases their much anticipated report concluding that many people will be driving during the Thanksgiving holiday [Obvious]

2009-11-20T18:53:47Z

Woman wakes up to find a strange man wearing her bra and panties (w/ picture of what a strange man who wears bras and panties might look like) [Strange]

2009-11-20T18:47:19Z

Residents of Cockermouth are rescued from their homes by dinghys on Friday after heavy rain caused flooding in Cumbria [Weird]

2009-11-20T18:02:25Z

Sharp-eyed researcher finds laundry instructions on Shroud of Turin [Interesting]

2009-11-20T17:52:25Z

Nominations now open for Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest (repost, link goes to Monday's thread) [Survey]

2009-11-20T17:45:01Z

[link] [45 comments]

I bet you weren't expecting the "She can't have been drunk; she talked McDonald's into making lunch during breakfast hours" defense [Silly]

2009-11-20T17:33:19Z

Man arrested for assault thanks to his last name, helpfully displayed on his vanity plate. That's some F1NE police work, Lou [Fail]

2009-11-20T17:14:48Z

Man claims his friends got drunk and cut off his electronic monitoring device. Or maybe some students attacked him and cut it off. He can't decide [Dumbass]

2009-11-20T17:12:43Z

The rule about wearing white after Labor Day is now being strictly enforced by men with guns [Sad]

2009-11-20T17:12:36Z

Music teacher jailed for playing skin flute. You submitted this with A minor joke [Amusing]

2009-11-20T17:02:18Z

[link] [26 comments]

Miley Cyrus' tour bus crashes in Virginia. Driver dead, no word on the condition of either Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana [News]

2009-11-20T17:00:24Z

[link] [81 comments]

Poncho Claus, an entertainer known for leading a caravan of low riders through neighborhoods and passing out Christmas presents, has been hospitalized. Bueno suerte, señor [Strange]

2009-11-20T16:54:21Z

"Predator" who posed as Australian cab driver jailed, possibly by Lieutenant Harrigan [Interesting]

2009-11-20T16:53:24Z

A Bronx hospital and the city are really hEARing it from a Bronx man whose ear was thrown in the garbage. Ear we go again with another unbEARable lawsuit [Amusing]

2009-11-20T16:35:26Z

If you've collected $150,000 in fraudulent disability benefits, you may want to keep your able-bodied ass off of national television [Dumbass]

2009-11-20T16:18:20Z

TSG Friday Photo Fun challenges you to identify the celebrity who was busted at the pictured location. Contest closes 6PM Eastern [Spiffy]

2009-11-20T16:17:29Z

[link] [46 comments]

I don't care if she is Brazilian, there's "hittable crazy", then there's "set fire to a transvestite over a missing handbag" crazy. You've got to draw the line somewhere [Scary]

2009-11-20T16:07:37Z

Police officer missing after "Biblical floods" hit Northern England. Authorities expect to begin the search in 40 days [Interesting]

2009-11-20T15:51:30Z

Scientists have learned some amaizing kernels of truth from mapping the corn genome. "They're just popping up" [Cool]

2009-11-20T15:47:39Z

Royal Carribbean launches "Oasis of the Seas," a ship that's five times as big as the Titanic, can't dock in many ports because of its size, and can spread Huntavirus to almost 7000 people at once [Fail]

2009-11-20T15:39:49Z

Not News: Woman organizes charity carwash for hit and run victim's family. Sorta News: Woman steals from carwash. FARK: To bail out the suspect in the hit and run case [Dumbass]

2009-11-20T15:38:33Z

Top S. Korean model found hanged in her Paris apartment. Police are unable to determine a time of death, because, as a model, she's looked like a corpse for some years now [Sad]

2009-11-20T15:24:19Z

Here it is, this year's USA Today bit about what infrequent fliers can expect at airports, including less flights, higher fees, longer lines, alligator pits,and a Muzak version of "Oops I Did It Again" played on an infinite loop [Stupid]

2009-11-20T15:15:42Z

Urlee Inglesh lurneeng comz undurr acuhdemik atak [Obvious]

2009-11-20T15:12:27Z

Iowa town needs emergency coconuts after massive lime spill [Obvious]

2009-11-20T15:12:04Z

Cameraman captures photos of a polar bear viciously attacking a human [Silly]

2009-11-20T14:42:26Z

Apparently, the idea of putting on a giant chicken suit and crashing a city council meeting hasn't gotten old in Colorado [Amusing]

2009-11-20T14:38:31Z

Not news: coming home from a weekend trip and discovering that your house was broken into. FARK: broken into to hang Christmas decorations [Weird]

2009-11-20T14:24:17Z

If you're so exhausted after a three day coke and hooker orgy that the pimp cuts you off, it might be a sign you need to slow down. Wouldn't you agree, Rabbi? [Amusing]

2009-11-20T13:47:28Z

Man accused of using squeegee to attack another in fight over gas pump. Victim says he clearly saw what happened [Amusing]

2009-11-20T12:17:03Z

Photoshop these Himalayan horn blowers [Photoshop]

2009-11-20T11:57:57Z

Sunnyvale, CA named happiest place in America, Crappyville still least happy [Spiffy]

2009-11-20T11:51:00Z

Couple arrested for refusing to pay a mandatory 18 percent gratuity at a restaurant. "I had to get napkins and silverware for the table myself" [Asinine]

2009-11-20T11:11:02Z

UK man invents humane lobster killing device. PETA buys two, ships them to Arizona for promotional lobsterfest. Courier company loses the devices. PETA forced to boil hundreds of lobsters alive to avoid crustecean-craving lynch mob [Fail]

2009-11-20T10:02:00Z

Three French hens, two turtle doves, and 316,000 bongs disguised as christmas ornaments in a shipping container [Amusing]

2009-11-20T09:33:00Z

Gardener finds a squash in the shape of a duck. The Sun is there [Silly]

2009-11-20T08:44:08Z

500 sheep die in crash. Try not to lose any sleep over it [Scary]

2009-11-20T07:52:01Z

Jeanne-Claude, co-creator of "The Gates," and wife of Christo, dies at 74. That's a wrap [Sad]

2009-11-20T06:52:00Z

New L.A. ACORN sting: "Why, sure I'll help you launder money to pimp underaged girls" [Followup]

2009-11-20T06:18:03Z

Squirrels, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved more flexible ankles. Cats, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved humans with pulleys [Sappy]

2009-11-20T05:20:40Z

Human Fat found in cosmetics. You submitted this with a Tyler Durden reference [Sick]

2009-11-20T04:27:25Z

Photoshop theme: Awkward family holiday gatherings [Photoshop]

2009-11-20T03:51:57Z

John Kerry's Daughter arrested for DUI. If she moves back to Massachusetts, that's bonus points for a Senate run [Interesting]

2009-11-20T02:20:11Z

If you're trying to rob a home, the only thing scarier than looking up and seeing the homeowner aiming a gun at you is when the homeowner is a 91-year-old naked man. "He was screaming." [Florida]

2009-11-20T00:44:00Z

800-pound man stays eight months in his recliner without getting up. What a lazy boy [Strange]

2009-11-20T00:29:04Z

[link] [47 comments]

Toddler falls into baptismal font. To answer the obvious question: Yes, he was saved [Ironic]

2009-11-20T00:15:05Z

Car slams into bakery. THAT'S the way the cookie crumbles [Scary]

2009-11-19T23:33:11Z

"Correction: A headline incorrectly stated 'stolen groceries.' It should have read 'homicide.' " [Amusing]

2009-11-19T23:12:03Z

Owner of famous NYC bagel company charged with tax fraud. Prosecutors say they have more than enough to lox him away, though his lawyers say he's the victim of a schmear campaign [Dumbass]

2009-11-19T21:41:43Z

Photoshop this cowgirl ringing the dinner bell [Photoshop]

2009-11-19T21:32:57Z

Uranus stolen from school's model solar system. Staff are all butt-hurt about it [Asinine]

2009-11-19T21:16:48Z

Actual headline: "Pittsburgh Police Want To See Junk In Your Trunk" [Amusing]

2009-11-19T20:55:46Z

Compact fluorescent bulbs save energy by getting dimmer over time [Fail]

2009-11-19T20:25:39Z

[link] [62 comments]

Neither snow nor rain not heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from getting drunk, breaking in and eating your noodles [Amusing]

2009-11-19T20:20:38Z

What happens when the irresistable force of "think of the children" meets the immovable object of "not in my backyard"? [Silly]

2009-11-19T20:19:40Z

Farker gets injured in Iraq. Now the government refuses to give TSGLI benefits, claiming that his paralysis doesn't qualify as a "traumatic event". W/Video containing pics of what a traumatic event might look like [Asinine]

2009-11-19T20:07:43Z

[link] [41 comments]

Trial near for woman accused of dismembering husband now that prosecutors have the put pieces of their case together [Sick]

2009-11-19T20:04:49Z

Welcome to Australia, where the men are men and the koalas are all dying from stress-induced chlamydia [Sad]

2009-11-19T19:40:41Z

US Postal Service, Grinch suspends Santa letter program in North Pole, Alaska after one of the elves turns out to be a registered sex offender [Sad]

2009-11-19T19:30:37Z

"Slapping stuffing on the outside of the bird was an inspired way to hide the fact that it had been partly eaten by a raccoon." [Amusing]

2009-11-19T17:57:52Z

Scientists continue to go down the list of things in the world and study them to see if they save us from the flu. Right now, they're on "caterpillar ovaries" [Weird]

2009-11-19T17:55:35Z

Alan Moore, destroyer of library workers [Asinine]

2009-11-19T17:47:36Z

[link] [68 comments]

Today is World Toilet Day, and around the globe, people are flushed with excitement [Cool]

2009-11-19T17:39:48Z

Posting a naughty word on the internet can cost you your job these days. Farkers back away from their computers, slowly [Asinine]

2009-11-19T17:24:44Z

[link] [52 comments]

"A child, two guys, can of Quick Start, Bic lighter: How could this not go wrong?" [Dumbass]

2009-11-19T17:12:21Z

Two thirds of respondents in national poll say they do not plan to get swine flu vaccine, will just sue somebody later on if they get sick [Stupid]

2009-11-19T17:07:22Z

How to tell if your car mechanic is scamming you. Step 1: Look down -- do you have boobies? [Interesting]

2009-11-19T17:04:12Z

Charter bus returning from casino rolls over, kills two. What are the odds? [Sad]

2009-11-19T17:03:45Z

Communist era draws to a close after 10,000 years...in British Columbia [Interesting]

2009-11-19T16:56:14Z

Crane takes out house while trying to remove a tree. If do right, no can defense [Fail]

2009-11-19T16:38:53Z

Not News: Woman gives birth. News: Woman gives birth during her wedding. FARK: She's eleven years old [Unlikely]

2009-11-19T16:25:56Z

[link] [69 comments]

Cook County out $14,000 for toilet paper injury; though officials believe the claim is crap, they hope the settlement will wipe the slate clean [Asinine]

2009-11-19T16:25:52Z

From the Research Department of the Institute for the Bleedin' Obvious: bacon = heroin [Obvious]

2009-11-19T16:14:08Z

Drinking alcohol every day can cut a man's risk of heart disease by a third, says a study by the University of Freaking Awesome [Cool]

2009-11-19T16:01:57Z

"In addition, employees and students spent an unexpectedly large amount of time visiting websites featuring pornography" [Obvious]

2009-11-19T15:57:51Z

Here's your annual "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ON THE WAY GRANDMA'S HOUSE" article for Thanksgiving [Obvious]

2009-11-19T15:46:48Z

Pennsylvania residents fight for right to hang laundry. Laundry demands jury trial [Amusing]

2009-11-19T15:34:50Z

The TSA would like to provide you with their annual reminder that Thanksgiving leftovers are not allowed in carry-on luggage [Interesting]

2009-11-19T15:24:13Z

In the red corner we have Dean Affleck, the 18 year old burglar with a meat cleaver, and in the blue corner we have Chloe Edwards, aged 5. Place your bets now [Spiffy]

2009-11-19T15:18:01Z

After losing a game of 'Strip Yatzee', a woman heads to the bedroom with her exboyfriend. Her current boyfriend finds out, and she claims it was rape. But you just want to know the rules to Strip Yatzee [Scary]

2009-11-19T15:10:52Z

Any landing you can walk away from is a good one, unless you land in LAVA [Scary]

2009-11-19T15:02:50Z

Holiday tipping guidelines so you can be generous without overspending. And I think I speak for all of the waitresses and waiters out there when I say, if you can't tip at least 18 percent stay home and make a sandwich [Advice]

2009-11-19T14:38:00Z

There are two stories here - the world's worst hippy mother and the fact that in India you can be charged with "assault with intent to outrage a woman's modesty and administering a stupefying drug with intent to harm" [Interesting]

2009-11-19T13:49:02Z

Bad: Your jeep overturns and you're thrown out. Fark: Into a pride of lions [Scary]

2009-11-19T13:39:45Z

Konnie Huq wants to know what it would take to get you to kiss her [Interesting]

2009-11-19T13:30:03Z

Photoshop these Forties dudes [Photoshop]

2009-11-19T13:07:57Z

[link] [40 comments]

Five Licking Teens Hurt in Wreck. Well, at least they weren't texting [Amusing]

2009-11-19T12:19:50Z

Racism in my math homework? NO WAI [Asinine]

2009-11-19T12:15:00Z

If you're going to rob an 82-year-old lady, pick one who doesn't have a hairbrush [Amusing]

2009-11-19T10:54:45Z

Spilled drink leads to gunfight in Cypress Hills bar. Ever heard a Glock go click like a camera? [Obvious]

2009-11-19T10:26:38Z

There has to be a better place to start a large-scale marijuana growing operation than behind a Los Angles police station [Dumbass]

2009-11-19T08:12:00Z

Kellogg's spokeswoman Kris Charles informed Bloomberg that "we are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible." The Great Eggo Drought of 2009: Never Forget [Interesting]

2009-11-19T08:10:00Z

Federal judge rules Army Corps of Engineers responsible, and liable, for much of the post-Katrina flooding in New Orleans [Interesting]

2009-11-19T05:07:00Z

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 237: "Filtered For Your Protection" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

2009-11-19T05:01:00Z

[link] [65 comments]

Teen calls 911 after parents take away Xbox [Dumbass]

2009-11-19T05:00:00Z

Newspaper threatened with 'another Fort Hood' for criticizing Tea Party protest [Scary]

2009-11-19T04:37:19Z

"Suspicious cans" shut down Chicago courthouse garage. Tara Reid wanted for questioning [Strange]

2009-11-19T04:10:18Z

Troops to behead bin Laden one chocolatey bite at a time [Silly]

2009-11-19T03:42:30Z

Photoshop this man and his capsized craft [Photoshop]

2009-11-19T03:27:57Z

Protip: When you savagely beat a stranger in a pub with a pint glass, you better make sure you aren't Facebook friends with her Facebook friends. With "I already told you once" pic [Cool]

2009-11-19T03:07:53Z

Push to raise drinking age from 18 to 19 in Australia to curb supposed drinking problem. Because if there's one thing teenagers love to do, it's respect authority and obey the law. Two things [Stupid]

2009-11-19T02:48:27Z

Judge to Sheriff Joe: your minion shall apologize. Sheriff Joe to judge: bite me [Asinine]

2009-11-19T02:46:16Z

[link] [54 comments]

For $1,700, you can see what your baby's name means in 100 languages. Note: Does not include obviously made-up names like LaQuiesha, Mychaelya, and Frank [Interesting]

2009-11-18T23:22:09Z

[link] [49 comments]

In a strong bid for their own tag, Kentucky man arrested while masturbating in the library - watching a wrestling video [Dumbass]

2009-11-18T23:13:11Z

Man shot in hair salon robbery, dyes soon afterward. Another life cut short [Asinine]

2009-11-18T22:46:08Z

Canadian couple gets so tired of their children's excessive homework that they actually do something about it [Hero]

2009-11-18T21:11:12Z

Having never read FARK, couple posts video of an "unidentified" amber light they saw sitting stationary in the sky. With video that will make you facepalm [Stupid]

2009-11-18T21:00:18Z

Worst word ever: Lmne. (Not safe for work language) [Amusing]

2009-11-18T20:51:10Z

[link] [94 comments]

What your folks do for half the year, why they shouldn't, and why you're much happier not knowing about it [Scary]

2009-11-18T20:32:18Z

Photoshop this crude kitchen [Photoshop]

2009-11-18T20:18:57Z

Man raises money to fly military folk home for the holidays, believes that soldiers' time in unconventional combat against unseen extremists might adequately prepare them for a typical family Thanksgiving [Spiffy]

2009-11-18T19:48:17Z

Group finds high levels of lead in Disney, Barbie toys, which can cause irreversible brain damage. The lead can be harmful too [Scary]

2009-11-18T19:44:20Z

Old & Busted: Zero Tolerance. New hotness: School administrators force parents to attend re-education meetings [Stupid]

2009-11-18T19:20:36Z

[link] [51 comments]

Couple hatch a plot to urn money by stealing cemetary vases. That takes some brass ones [Florida]

2009-11-18T18:51:34Z

Man speaks only Klingon to his child for its first three years. Hero tag grabs a bat'leth and sends Sad tag to Sto-Vo-Kor [Hero]

2009-11-18T18:19:39Z

[link] [125 comments]

No one from the original Dazed and Confused would be in the 2nd Dazed and Confused, except for Matthew McConaughey. Because the older he gets, they stay the same age (Sponsored Link) [Cool]

2009-11-18T18:03:04Z

Coors Light it ain't: More "extreme beers" come on the market, including an IPA that aged for two months on a mackerel trawler and an ale with 225 bitterness units but only 1.1 percent alcohol [Spiffy]

2009-11-18T17:58:35Z

Indian woman divorces husband after he banned her from watching soap operas. Her plans now involve falling in love with a mysterious doctor who will later turn out to be her previous husband's long lost half-brother [Strange]

2009-11-18T17:09:39Z

Bad: You run down a bicyclist while driving. Worse: Because you're texting. Fark: About the drugs you're going to sell someone [Dumbass]

2009-11-18T16:51:59Z

Raw milk producer waits for ruling. Hopes for bovine intervention [Stupid]

2009-11-18T16:49:44Z

Family sues kite fighters for nearly decapitating their son. In other news, there are kite fighters [Strange]

2009-11-18T16:01:38Z

Politicians say reggae singer's rendition of National Anthem was so bad, it constituted treason [Amusing]

2009-11-18T15:47:45Z

Union blocks bonus pay for good teachers, doesn't want bad teachers to feel inferior [Obvious]

2009-11-18T15:42:33Z

Town proposes raising fine for too-tall grass to $1000 a day. "Code enforcement needs a larger hammer." [Florida]

2009-11-18T15:40:36Z

Suspect empties courtroom by shouting that there's a bomb in the courthouse where he's being charged with calling in hoax bomb threats to 10 schools within 4 hours [Obvious]

2009-11-18T15:09:31Z

20% of Kyrgyz brides now have western-style "engagement" before wedding, while 80% still enjoy traditional Kyrgyz kidnapping [Sad]

2009-11-18T15:07:43Z

Surprising absolutely no one, carbon offsets aren't worth the glossy, embossed paper they're printed on [Obvious]

2009-11-18T14:58:56Z

Photoshop theme: make something already "green" even greener (LGT a hybrid plug-in) [Photoshop]

2009-11-18T14:57:57Z

Hawaii no longer healthiest state in the nation, due partly to binge drinking. But hey, fourth-healthiest, with bikini babes and binge drinking ain't bad [Obvious]

2009-11-18T14:55:41Z

Xenophon vs. Xenu [Cool]

2009-11-18T14:54:58Z

Christians complain R. Crumb's comic-book adaptation of Genesis is "dangerous" for depicting God as a scary old man. Apparently have never read the Old Testament [Obvious]

2009-11-18T14:07:41Z

Man steals $1.35 pie, judge decides to fark with his head, tells him he's been charged with rape and murder [Amusing]

2009-11-18T14:06:54Z

Consumer Product Safety Commission hosting town meeting at Toys-R-Us in Times Square to talk about toy safety. Irwin Mainway reportedly not invited to participate [PSA]

2009-11-18T13:38:32Z

Australian teenager dies in workplace electrocution. See, this is why you should always ground your teenagers [Interesting]

2009-11-18T13:37:01Z

Somebody figure out a way to tell the Australian press that Pro Wrestling isn't real [Amusing]

2009-11-18T12:18:00Z

Dog survives 130-foot cliff plunge, despite a ruff landing [Scary]

2009-11-18T12:09:06Z

Texans: Think you're married? Maybe not [Stupid]

2009-11-18T11:14:00Z

When it comes to killing your husband, third time is the charm. Oh, wait. Scratch that [Florida]

2009-11-18T10:44:00Z

City workers' union may file a greivance against an Eagle Scout for cleaning a walking trail, taking their jobs [Asinine]

2009-11-18T10:20:13Z

After hearing of a police chase on his scanner, man dresses as suspect and goes outside to "see if police would notice him." "Well, we noticed him." [Fail]

2009-11-18T10:08:24Z

Man has remote-controlled bowels implanted after motorcycle accident, really loses his shiat when wife changes the channel [Interesting]

2009-11-18T09:59:30Z

Israel ranks 32nd in the latest global corruption index behind New Zealand, Denmark and Singapore and ahead of Iran, Somalia and Egypt. Hoping that if they win out they can still get a BCS Bowl [Interesting]

2009-11-18T08:35:09Z

Kick a police officer in the nads? That's a Taserin' and you'll scream like a 10-year old girl [Scary]

2009-11-18T07:11:00Z

Woman drives to jail, demands to be arrested "so she could help the prisoners inside." Alcohol was involved [Dumbass]

2009-11-18T06:17:07Z

PETA wanted to fill 3,500 buckets with pig urine and poo and place them on the U.S. Capitol plaza, then place fans to blow the stench across the Hill. Surprisingly the U.S. Capitol Hill police said "no." [Obvious]

2009-11-18T06:15:42Z

ASCAP, jealous of the RIAA's press, decides to do the only thing it can, put the squeeze on bars and coffee shops that offer live music [Sad]

2009-11-18T05:31:00Z

Georgia teacher arrested for hitting on student. No, wait, that's "putting a hit on" not "hitting on". Sorry, reflex action [Dumbass]

2009-11-18T01:09:25Z

Government board tells women to stop getting mamograms so often, they're too expensive. Err, I mean, they don't work [Stupid]

2009-11-18T01:04:24Z

Danish political party admits to covering posters for opposing parties' candidates with yellow stickers shaped like penises. Nice try, but in America, we go all out and put the dicks on the actual BALLOTS [Amusing]

2009-11-18T01:00:27Z

Photoshop this person and a passel of postcards [Photoshop]

2009-11-18T00:22:57Z

Anthony Michael Hall accused of stalking woman. He says it is a big misunderstanding, was just asking to borrow her spotted pink underpants in a juvenile moneymaking scheme at the high school dance [Fail]

2009-11-18T00:08:29Z

Shark gives birth via "c-section" after being bitten by second shark, an action that has been castigated by natural-birth advocate sharks worldwide [Cool]

2009-11-17T22:19:18Z

Don't bring a knife to a bench fight [Dumbass]

2009-11-17T22:18:27Z

Seniors skeptical of health overhaul, meatloaf Wednesdays [Obvious]

2009-11-17T21:23:14Z

Hey mon. A judge has ruled the TSA can't force Rastafarian baggage screeners to cut their hair. Yea mon [Interesting]

2009-11-17T20:42:15Z

New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches [Interesting]

2009-11-17T20:38:34Z

MillerCoors contributes $500,000 to water education program, which apparently educates people about their own products [Misc]

2009-11-17T20:08:58Z

Twenty-six percent of people say they've worked with someone who had the potential to go postal and take everybody out with a flamethrower and pipebombs filled with nails and rat poison [Scary]

2009-11-17T20:07:54Z

Police find man claiming to be a ninja impaled on metal fence screaming for help, violating about a dozen Ninja rules [Dumbass]

2009-11-17T20:06:15Z

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds- but passed out drunk in a stranger's kitchen is a problem [Fail]

2009-11-17T20:05:57Z

When robbing a pharmacy, you don't need to wear a surgical mask, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, go ahead and put it on [Stupid]

2009-11-17T19:57:57Z

Man, 74, convinced there is a mysterious sea creature in the canal behind his house. With pics [Florida]

2009-11-17T18:53:35Z

Orange juice is just as bad for kids as Pepsi, Coke, and whiskey [Obvious]

2009-11-17T18:52:56Z

[link] [66 comments]

French hotel to give customers the chance to live like a hamster for a day, with a room featuring bales of straw and a giant wheel to exercise in. You'll have to pay extra to crash a jet powered dragster if you want the full experience [Strange]

2009-11-17T18:18:39Z

Just when you thought that everything that could possibly be flavored with bacon had been, someone comes along and proves you wrong [Strange]

2009-11-17T18:10:34Z

Woman attempts to cross the Mexico-US border hidden in suitcase. Agents still trying to get a handle on the situation [Fail]

2009-11-17T17:54:53Z

Thief takes time out from robbing a house to warm up a bottle of milk and feed a crying baby [Sappy]

2009-11-17T17:44:42Z

Atlanta City Councilman proposes pushing last call back two and a half hours [Hero]

2009-11-17T17:38:42Z

French women are legally required to be pantsless unless riding a bicycle [Weird]

2009-11-17T16:58:32Z

"Unfriend" beats out "hypermiling", "locavore", "paywall", "hashtag" and "carbon neutral" to become the OED 2009 Word That Will Sound Like Total Gibberish By 2012 [Stupid]

2009-11-17T16:53:43Z

Not news: Man trims his hedge. Fark: With a ride-on lawnmower dangling from a crane [Cool]

2009-11-17T16:12:00Z

Norway sentences the Son of God to jail for his driving violations [Strange]

2009-11-17T16:10:52Z

Biden Escort Involved in Wreck - You'd think the vice president would be driving a better car [Obvious]

2009-11-17T16:09:38Z

Photoshop these riders going around and around [Photoshop]

2009-11-17T15:52:57Z

Running into a burning house to save your family? Hero. Running back in to save your cell phone? Darwin [Dumbass]

2009-11-17T15:43:38Z

If a Brazilian bride shoots French-employed paparazzi at her Costa Rica wedding, where should they bury the survivors' lawsuit? [Followup]

2009-11-17T15:39:03Z

People over 55 are the most active and experimental daters, at least until they reach around 80, when they tend to just lie there [Interesting]

2009-11-17T15:32:53Z

Ingredients needed for "this should end well" headline: Tanker ship full of chemicals? Check. 28 North Koreans on board? Check. Somali pirates? Check [Interesting]

2009-11-17T14:49:02Z

Jessica Alba pounds the pavement in the halls of Congress for education funding. With pictures of what a Jessica Alba asking Hillary Clinton sign her ball might look like. Bonus: Caption Contest (w/voting) [Caption]

2009-11-17T12:34:03Z

An Iowa City woman said she has suffered physical and mental pain for the last two years after a shampoo bottle was dropped on her head [Dumbass]

2009-11-17T12:18:16Z

Chicago School Board President Michael Scott was found dead of an apparent suicide. A handgun, his cell-phone, and some Schrutebucks were found near his body [Sad]

2009-11-17T11:42:56Z

Not News: Burger flipper spits in someone's food. News: Burger flipper spits in the Chief of Police's food. Fark: Burger flipper could face 10 years in prison as a result [Asinine]

2009-11-17T11:17:54Z

Half of Americans willing to pay for online news, but only at an average of $3 a month. In other news, TotalFarkers are finally above average for once [Interesting]

2009-11-17T10:29:18Z

If crime runs in your family, keep in mind that so does your DNA [Scary]

2009-11-17T09:47:15Z

Photoshop this magnified view [Photoshop]

2009-11-17T07:00:57Z

Repo man struck by repossessed car. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness [Ironic]

2009-11-17T06:31:29Z

Obama calls on China to free the Internet. China promptly answers Obama's call by censoring it [Obvious]

2009-11-17T04:52:38Z

"Navy may test live bombs in central Florida." Thank God [Hero]

2009-11-17T04:10:42Z

Running over a man while doing 85mph in your Maserati is bad. Even worse if he's in his house at the time [Dumbass]

2009-11-17T02:01:32Z

Nobody can whine about the recession quite like a member of Generation X. "It's so annoying." [Obvious]

2009-11-17T00:14:42Z

Photoshop this '50's science fiction [Photoshop]

2009-11-17T00:09:57Z

The CDC says that sex ed is better than abstinence, but they can't let you see the data, so just like your prom date, you'll have to trust them [Obvious]

2009-11-16T23:25:43Z

Nominations now open for Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest [Survey]

2009-11-16T22:06:54Z

Motorcycle driver dies in collision with moose. Squirrel unharmed [Sad]

2009-11-16T21:03:43Z

Demand grows for niche translators. Anyone speak niche? [Interesting]

2009-11-16T21:02:18Z

Let me get this straight. Illegal activity actually helps fund further illegal activity? [Obvious]

2009-11-16T19:48:28Z

US asks Afghan president Hamid Karzai to set up a court to handle government corruption. Karzai says he will, but only if the US slips him $10,000 in small bills and gets his cousin a job [Unlikely]

2009-11-16T19:40:23Z

A quick note about the upcoming Headline of the Year contest, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/8 - 11/14 [FarkBlog]

2009-11-16T19:10:16Z

The intruder was described in a police report as a large woman who was naked. She ran out a back door [Amusing]

2009-11-16T18:43:42Z

To get here, hang a left on Main Street and go about two blocks down, my house is the one on the left that looks like Bender [Spiffy]

2009-11-16T18:26:39Z

Crack team of New Zealand scientists head to the South Pole to prospect for whisky [Strange]

2009-11-16T18:05:29Z

Man arrested for doing 69 the wrong way in 2 states [Dumbass]

2009-11-16T17:55:30Z

Single Army mom arrested for not deploying to Afghanistan because she could find no one to care for her child. Child sent to CPS. With pic of what a deploying mother saying goodbye to her child might look like [Asinine]

2009-11-16T17:41:27Z

You've seen him do Judo. You've seen him kill a tiger. Now Vladimir Putin is getting mad respect on the Russian hip hop scene [Interesting]

2009-11-16T17:12:16Z

The Easy Button having failed, authorities begin an aisle-by-aisle search of Staples for a small aircraft [Scary]

2009-11-16T17:03:45Z

Photoshop this tea time [Photoshop]

2009-11-16T16:53:57Z

Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis are mroe popular than ever... and not just as kids names [Scary]

2009-11-16T16:52:41Z

Equalized [Sad]

2009-11-16T16:50:40Z

Obama tells China that with an uncensored internet citizens can begin to think for themselves, learn to type with one hand [Spiffy]

2009-11-16T16:28:33Z

Scientists pinpoint source of arsenic in Bangladesh's drinking water. In other news, besides the poverty, starvation, malaria, dengue, and getting hit by more typhoons than trailer parks do by tornadoes, Bangladesh has arsenic in its water [Strange]

2009-11-16T16:20:04Z

"Maybe he had struck out with all the women at the bar and this giraffe was looking pretty good, so he said, 'I'm going to take it back to my own place'" [Amusing]

2009-11-16T16:08:07Z

German man dies after receiving flu shot in Thuringia, which is why you should always remember to give them in the arm [Interesting]

2009-11-16T15:58:15Z

If you're planning to sell weed door to door, be sure the person you're trying to sell to is not a cop [Fail]

2009-11-16T15:50:02Z

DO: use a maritime distress flare when you are stranded at sea. DON'T: aim a maritime distress flare at a four-year-old boy walking on a city sidewalk [Scary]

2009-11-16T15:14:56Z

What does it say about our society when even in these economically down times, the mobile pet grooming business is thriving? [Interesting]

2009-11-16T14:31:54Z

Pointy conical bras of the '50s are making a comeback. This must be stopped right now [Stupid]

2009-11-16T14:30:21Z

Large fire at meat factory forces evacuations, increase in A1 sales [Scary]

2009-11-16T14:27:53Z

Super hero, The Dominator, dies...at age 7 [Followup]

2009-11-16T14:15:19Z

[link] [40 comments]

Turkey, with impeccable timing and survival instincts, decides mid-November is the best time to run open on the streets and chase cars [Strange]

2009-11-16T14:12:22Z

Police department raising money for traffic cameras by holding raffle for home entertainment system. Winner to enjoy vehicle crashes in HD [Spiffy]

2009-11-16T14:00:57Z

Australia apologizes for mass child abuse. Nothing yet about Kylie Minogue [Interesting]

2009-11-16T13:39:02Z

Old and busted: Swine flu. New hotness: Ukranian 'super flu.' EVERYONE PANIC [Unlikely]

2009-11-16T13:28:09Z

A woman with a medical condition that gives her 300 orgasms a day has found a man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends. w/pic [Spiffy]

2009-11-16T12:49:44Z

[link] [54 comments]

Faith healer parents whose child died due to their negligence will receive only a six month sentence, to be served one month out of each year. Unsurprisingly, some people have a problem with that [Asinine]

2009-11-16T11:18:06Z

Families spend 4 days a year arguing. THAT'S 11 YEARS A MILLENNIUM [Scary]

2009-11-16T09:24:34Z

Photoshop this human hamster [Photoshop]

2009-11-16T08:47:57Z

Author of famous call-girl blog reveals her true identity as a scientist (with a picture of what a call-girl might look like) [Amusing]

2009-11-16T08:04:07Z

The latest victim of H1N1: Hand Puppets [Sad]

2009-11-16T07:36:32Z

Iraq: Armed gangs, supported by the population. Underresourced authorities seen as occupiers. Strong ethnic, cultural and language barriers. A surge in progress. Wait, did I say Iraq? I meant Salinas, Calfornia [Interesting]

2009-11-16T06:38:10Z

Salmon apologizes for driving drunk, admits it was a crappie thing to do [Dumbass]

2009-11-16T05:39:29Z

Tennessee Titans Owner Bud Adams so excited with win over Buffalo today that he flipped the bird at the Bills. Twice. (with Not safe for work photo) [Amusing]

2009-11-16T02:14:40Z

Photoshop this polygonal creation presentation [Photoshop]

2009-11-16T00:46:57Z

10 worst predictions of the last decade. Websites will stop producing top X list as slideshows strangely absent [Obvious]

2009-11-15T23:17:00Z

[link] [46 comments]

New research concludes that lesbian couples make better parents than heterosexual couples. Still no cure for cancer [Interesting]

2009-11-15T23:11:00Z

BAGHDAD (AP) - It's Saturday night at the Alwiyah Club, and 21-year-old Sarah al-Kimackchy is doing the hip thing - playing bingo [Strange]

2009-11-15T22:31:00Z

Bar none, this is the luckiest contestant ever in the history of The Price is Right [Hero]

2009-11-15T22:22:31Z

[link] [46 comments]

I cannot haz cheezburger? I CANNOT HAZ CHEEZBURGER? [Scary]

2009-11-15T21:56:36Z

Oyster eaters tell FDA they can have their out of season mussels when they pry their oyster knives out of their cold, dead hands [Interesting]

2009-11-15T20:46:31Z

Attention John Mellencamp, the state of Indiana is holding $828 of your money, Larry Bird, they have $80 of yours. If not claimed in 30 days, the state keeps it [Cool]

2009-11-15T20:14:32Z

After 13 yrs of being a confidential narcotic informant, helping win 90 federal convictions, a Salvadoran man says he wants to get a regular job and settle down. How about deportation, instead? [Asinine]

2009-11-15T19:52:35Z

Actual headline: "Ham and beans 'good stuff'." Duh [Obvious]

2009-11-15T19:43:00Z

If you have in your possession a 1,500-pound historic Civil War cannon, Vallejo police would like a word with you [Strange]

2009-11-15T19:15:33Z

Residents complaining about churches playing loud rock music. Bonus: Picture of what chrisitan musicians may look like [Strange]

2009-11-15T18:58:00Z

Not news: A person is jailed and charged with receiving stolen property given to him by a friend. News: it is a 12-year-old boy. Fark: over a 70 cent piece of chocolate [Stupid]

2009-11-15T18:24:30Z

Japanese subs found off the Hawaiian coast. This is not a repeat from 1942 [Interesting]

2009-11-15T18:08:00Z

Police officer files request for overtime pay for all the time he spent preparing for and appearing in court for felony trial. Fark: He was the one on trial [Asinine]

2009-11-15T18:03:00Z

Photoshop these parachutists [Photoshop]

2009-11-15T17:47:57Z

Phrases soon to be banned from Massachusetts schools: "four eyes", "you dress like a girl", "you dance like a spastic monkey" [Unlikely]

2009-11-15T17:27:00Z

Law enforcement site warns parents: "If your kid is into Dungeons & Dragons, he's actually a computer addict ripe for grooming by Internet pedophiles" [Stupid]

2009-11-15T17:27:00Z

[link] [63 comments]

? Meet Darryl Bain ? High on cocaine ? New York cops, you better stop that fiend ? Tased from the front ? Handcuffed behind ? And you know he's on the coroner's mind ? [Weird]

2009-11-15T16:54:26Z

Study from the Institute of Henpecked Husbands shows that household chores could reduce a man's sperm count, thereby giving men the perfect escape clause from housework [Hero]

2009-11-15T16:09:38Z

Seven great products for telling the world you're a rich dick [Spiffy]

2009-11-15T15:33:39Z

New Russian palace with mystery owner is being built near Moscow. Given that the owner got Google to strike it from their satellite images, subby's guessing it belongs to Dick Cheney [Interesting]

2009-11-15T15:03:25Z

When forced to choose between his home and a 300-pound Yorkshire pig named Strawberry, a South Florida man chooses the 300-pound Yorkshire pig named Strawberry [Florida]

2009-11-15T14:19:35Z

Moose becomes first victim of Canada's newly armed border guards, squirrel escapes unharmed [Sad]

2009-11-15T14:04:21Z

Looking for new source of income, teachers turn to selling lesson plans online. Looking for new source of revenue, districts turn to demanding a cut of the teachers' profits. Who wins? The intellectual property lawyers, of course [Asinine]

2009-11-15T14:00:20Z

Remember the swim club that didn't want the brown kids dirtying their pool? They've just filed for bankruptcy. Schadenfreude ensues [Followup]

2009-11-15T13:45:18Z

Today's "anonymous man returns library books after 50 years and pays ridiculous fine because of guilt" is brought to you by Phoenix, Az [Sappy]

2009-11-15T13:33:52Z

Photoshop this symbolic symbiosis [Photoshop]

2009-11-15T12:57:57Z

59-year-old teacher arrested for having sex with his high school students. Naw, just kidding, he's just threatening to shoot them, other teachers and school principal too [Florida]

2009-11-15T08:01:02Z

In response to lawsuit, TSA changes its rules, now stating that it can only screen for unsafe materials. I guess that means we can bring fingernail clippers and water bottles on planes again. Tag is for the rule that forbade them to begin with [Stupid]

2009-11-15T06:11:11Z

[link] [93 comments]

Not News: Police arrest college students for underage drinking. News: 105 of them at one party. Fark: "The house is about 200 yards from the police station" [Dumbass]

2009-11-15T04:18:58Z

Photoshop this prickly pair [Photoshop]

2009-11-15T03:26:57Z

The 35 most bizarre science fair projects. "Will there be minorities in heaven" and "Is ham tasty" included [Amusing]

2009-11-15T01:38:01Z

Why atheists find religion later in life [Cool]

2009-11-15T01:11:17Z

[link] [101 comments]

Last signed autograph of John F. Kennedy sells for a sum that could blow your mind [Interesting]

2009-11-15T00:13:40Z

Worker falsifies records about methane gas, faces 2 years in PMITA. Dude, blame it on the dog like the rest of us [Dumbass]

2009-11-15T00:11:08Z

When you are carrying 30 lbs of pot in your car try not to drive 40 mph over the speed limit past a cop [Dumbass]

2009-11-14T22:44:06Z

Photoshop this lonely highway [Photoshop]

2009-11-14T20:47:57Z

Thought the chimp attack was fierce? "[H]e grabbed my leg with his mouth and went to jerking on me" [Strange]

2009-11-14T18:25:17Z

We can't stress this enough: If you're claiming disability checks, it's best not to be a golf champion on weekends [Dumbass]

2009-11-14T18:20:07Z

Another day another student/teacher sex story. With hottie female teacher picture goodness [Stupid]

2009-11-14T16:57:03Z

Career-limiting move of the day: While forwarding himself a copy of a "White Pride" email he wants to print out, State Trooper manages to send copies to almost 800 other state employees [Dumbass]

2009-11-14T16:19:47Z

[link] [67 comments]

You think you've got a tough job? Imagine being the veterinarian who has to help an elephant lose 1,000 pounds. "We've had to lay down the law" [Interesting]

2009-11-14T16:03:41Z

Art caskets: Because nothing symbolizes death with dignity more than being laid out in a "Return to Sender" coffin [Weird]

2009-11-14T15:57:52Z

Cardboard cut-outs of police placed in stores to scare would-be thieves. Drunk decides to take one home with him [Amusing]

2009-11-14T15:41:50Z

"I saw UFO beam up a buffalo" [Unlikely]

2009-11-14T15:11:40Z

69-year-old goes online, finds an actual 13-year-old girl... who then gives her login info to the cops. You can see where this is headed [Dumbass]

2009-11-14T14:49:50Z

The attention whore of Europe would like you to move in instead of just coming and going without spending any money [Obvious]

2009-11-14T14:45:54Z

"You see an advertisement saying 'try it for free' for very little money, but soon after, you get a big charge on your credit-card bill. More ads... are offering free samples that are anything but free." Ric Romero? Yep [Obvious]

2009-11-14T14:13:44Z

Cops who found magic mushroom grow house give up on counting them all, say it would be easier if the mushrooms would hold still and stop singing [Obvious]

2009-11-14T13:58:46Z

Dramatic exposé on the "Golden Girls", how one show turned a generation of boys into homosexuals; sadly this article is not satire [Asinine]

2009-11-14T13:35:58Z

Photoshop what this woman is holding [Photoshop]

2009-11-14T13:34:57Z

Merlot the cat, who went missing 17 months ago when he was less than a year old, has returned home for Caturday [Sappy]

2009-11-14T13:00:00Z

[link] [560 comments]

Middle school teacher resigns job she held for 22 years, after she's caught stealing small amounts of money from other teachers' purses. Must have needed it - her job only paid $95,000 a year [Stupid]

2009-11-14T12:48:46Z

But honestly, who amongst us hasn't mistaken a uniformed police officer for a Sonic drive-through waiter [Dumbass]

2009-11-14T12:39:06Z

Creepy weatherman leaves around 100 voicemails to girl he just met. Wonders why she won't call him back [Scary]

2009-11-14T10:17:58Z

Man charged with battery, grand theft, exhibition of a deadly weapon and a possible hate crime for holding a pen over his head. Penis Mightier [Strange]

2009-11-14T09:05:00Z

Comic books are doing surprisingly well even when big-boy books are struggling [Cool]

2009-11-14T08:40:00Z

Commissioners strip the Las Vegas Strip of the Stripper Mobile. Won't someone please think of the strippers? [Sad]

2009-11-14T07:44:00Z

Here's what you're not getting for Christmas: Mercedes' updated version of its 50-years-ago gullwing coupe. 563hp, 0-60 in under 3.8 seconds, and explosive door hinges [Cool]

2009-11-14T07:25:00Z

We have two weeks before the first experiment is done with the large hadron collider. It's a little too late to save us from the banality of 2012, more John Cusack [PSA]

2009-11-14T06:31:00Z

U.S. reports largest mumps outbreak in three years. Think of it like a swine flu outbreak, but serious [Scary]

2009-11-14T06:30:00Z

Benningan's being foreclosed on. Thank god our long national nightmare is over [PSA]

2009-11-14T05:19:00Z

CNN points out the obvious: Hicks who rarely fly make it take 20 minutes for the rest of us to get on and off the plane [Obvious]

2009-11-14T04:56:14Z

Mental patient had been locked in a secure floor, but the nut bolted [Florida]

2009-11-14T04:37:00Z

Don't be a pussy, Dr. Strange looks legit [Cool]

2009-11-14T04:22:00Z

FDA threatens to ban drinks containing both alcohol and caffiene; The Dude does not abide [Scary]

2009-11-14T03:45:00Z

[link] [68 comments]

"The media fell hook, line and sinker once again for a military account of what happened during the tragedy... the cop most responsible for saving the day, it turns out, is a black man, not a white woman" [Obvious]

2009-11-14T03:06:17Z

Freezer cash former Congressman gets put on ice for 13 years [Followup]

2009-11-14T02:48:19Z

Apparently in Belgrade, 'swine flu' loosely translates to 'vampire invasion' [Strange]

2009-11-14T02:18:14Z

Photographer says he can find smiley faces in everyday objects :) [Amusing]

2009-11-14T01:22:18Z

For seven months L.A. Sheriff deputies have been trying to figure out who is slapping 'Who is John Scott' stickers inside MTA buses. You'll never guess who they caught [Amusing]

2009-11-14T00:49:12Z

[link] [52 comments]

Photoshop this parts carrying cart [Photoshop]

2009-11-14T00:27:57Z

In this weeks Smoking Gun Lineup: Mustache Ride [Cool]

2009-11-13T23:17:19Z

[link] [82 comments]

If you're the guy who stole the "2,554 Miles to Barstow" sign for the dozenth time, North Carolina would like a word with you. And that word is "Uncle" [Sad]

2009-11-13T22:17:13Z

[link] [50 comments]

Today's inanimate object that is secretly trying to kill you is (Spins wheel...) Oh my god, run for life, it's a glass top table [Asinine]

2009-11-13T22:05:23Z

"It was just a routine car wash. Except there was no car -- and no clothing." [Fail]

2009-11-13T22:03:41Z

The lead singer of Missing Persons has been found in jail [Interesting]

2009-11-13T21:47:44Z

[link] [42 comments]

Manager trains employees for hold up situations by hiring man to burst in during buisness hours and put a gun to someones head. This should end well [Asinine]

2009-11-13T21:25:24Z

Ohio is letting convicted mothers raise their children behind bars. What could go wrong? "Prison should be a place for punishment, not somewhere to raise babies." [Interesting]

2009-11-13T20:59:14Z

Amusing: High School principal tells his students they're not allowed to say "meep." Fark: Assistant principal reports an out-of-state attorney to the police for putting "meep" in an email [Followup]

2009-11-13T20:53:24Z

[link] [91 comments]

Pickup lines from the world's greatest poonhound: "Want some coffee and want it up the a**?" "Make sure to get a waxing; I'm going to make all your holes very sore" (Not safe for work language) [Fail]

2009-11-13T20:25:50Z

[link] [58 comments]

Man caught with over 1,000 spiders at airport, faces up to one year in jail. That's gotta sting [Dumbass]

2009-11-13T20:20:45Z

Ted Haggard holds home prayer meeting: "For the people who come tonight, that means they believe in the resurrection in me." No word if the people participating in the resurrection came through the front door or the back door [Stupid]

2009-11-13T20:15:42Z

Child-molesting evangelist Tony Alamo receives 175-year prison sentence that will surely involve no molestation of any sort whatsoever [News]

2009-11-13T20:03:48Z

[link] [49 comments]

Girlfriend replaces her deployed boyfriend with a blow-up doll. Farkers nod knowingly, understanding the comfort that only a polyvinyl chloride mate can provide [Florida]

2009-11-13T20:00:49Z

NASA's glass is more than half filled on whether there is water on the moon [Cool]

2009-11-13T19:37:25Z

[link] [26 comments]

Photoshop this piece of vintage jewelery [Photoshop]

2009-11-13T18:56:57Z

City to celebrate Christmas with no reference to Christianity, but will have a "spectacular festive celebration" including a solar-powered disco, a circus and a fairy on stilts [Sad]

2009-11-13T18:49:23Z

[link] [117 comments]

Also admitted he watched television shows, such as women's volleyball, that sexually stimulated him, a violation of the terms of his release [Interesting]

2009-11-13T18:41:10Z

?That deaf, dumb, blind dog / Sure is world record tall.? [Spiffy]

2009-11-13T18:39:15Z

Superhero Smackdown Semifinal: Superman vs Wolverine [Hero]

2009-11-13T18:24:47Z

[link] [60 comments]

Friday Photo Fun. Grandma has been a bad girl. Match her with her crime. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern [Amusing]

2009-11-13T18:24:47Z

Melbourne night club bans metrosexuals in an effort to reduce violence, because in a bar fight you want to look out for the guy with orange skin and perfect hair who's putting chapstick on his lips [Strange]

2009-11-13T18:24:19Z

Becuase nothing quite says "I love you" like 30% off a cordless rotary saw [Stupid]

2009-11-13T17:24:15Z

[link] [41 comments]

British gardeners urged to urinate on their plants to help them grow better. How very european [Interesting]

2009-11-13T16:42:39Z

[link] [45 comments]

Roommates' dispute over soccer match ends in a shootout [Dumbass]

2009-11-13T16:35:55Z

Man thought he could elude police after a shootout by changing into a t-shirt and pajama pants. He thought wrong [Dumbass]

2009-11-13T16:27:37Z

Police arrest the wrong woman after her identity was stolen. Oops [Dumbass]

2009-11-13T16:17:13Z

Indian eunuchs allowed to choose a gender of "other" for ID cards, a political move that took balls [Interesting]

2009-11-13T16:14:12Z

Contestant who died on the set of the reality show "Wipeout" had a rare genetic condition that lead to a stroke, not because his brain tried to strangle him in shame for appearing on the show "Wipeout" as earlier believed [Followup]

2009-11-13T15:57:09Z

Fisherman gets 233-pound catfish, hernia [Interesting]

2009-11-13T15:12:35Z

Spanish government gets a grip and decides to take a hands-on approach with a major new advertising campaign to teach children the joys of masturbation [Amusing]

2009-11-13T14:34:34Z

"My parents pay for my rent, college tuition, and entertainment, and my trust fund will ensure that I'll never actually have to get a job. FML" [Unlikely]

2009-11-13T14:21:48Z

[link] [48 comments]

Sing us a song of your piano scam, sing us a song tonight. Well we're all in the mood for some forgery, and you took our money all right [Dumbass]

2009-11-13T12:27:53Z

Photoshop these cautious commuters [Photoshop]

2009-11-13T12:12:57Z

14 year-old boy flashes bus. Woman on bus begins screaming hysterically. Bus driver panics and drives bus into police station. Ta-daa [Silly]

2009-11-13T11:20:51Z

?Just a couple days ago / I set out on the trail / Lookin' for a plate of mushrooms / Not ones you get on sale / Pains got bad, and pains got worse / I guess you know the tune / Oh Lord, sick in Lodi again.? [Scary]

2009-11-13T10:17:54Z

In the fine American tradition of really uncomfortable Thanksgivings, Sarah Palin says Levi Johnston "welcome" to come for dinner. That's family values you can believe in, by golly [Unlikely]

2009-11-13T09:52:00Z

In case you don't know what a bonobo is, there was an ugly-assed one born at the Jacksonville Zoo. W/pic [Cool]

2009-11-13T08:20:11Z

Whoever left a sawn-off alligator head in a rural field in Yorkshire, England, congratulations, you scared the crap out of a dog walker [Strange]

2009-11-13T06:33:05Z

Fired is what you get for thinking with the little Florida, and not listening to the big Florida. Peninsula [Silly]

2009-11-13T05:53:02Z

Drew's list of 'seasonal' stories is woefully incomplete without "annual turkey baster search" [Silly]

2009-11-13T04:47:03Z

Experts wonder if the upswing in retail theft may be connected to the unemployment rate. What the hell kind of "experts" do we have analyzing this data? [Obvious]

2009-11-13T04:22:32Z

MPAA shuts down an entire town's wi-fi because one person illegally downloaded a movie. Take that, illegal downloaders [Hero]

2009-11-13T03:49:25Z

[link] [54 comments]

Verizon has found a way to charge you for accidental keystrokes [Asinine]

2009-11-13T02:44:06Z

Coming to a hipster douche near you: 1890s fashion. 'Cause nothing says "manly" like knee socks, britches and a cape [Silly]

2009-11-13T02:15:35Z

Tennessee man found asleep in a ditch with a loaded rifle and a bottle of moonshine [Amusing]

2009-11-13T01:30:32Z

If there are aliens on other worlds, did Jesus die for their sins, too? After all, every Gelgamek is sacred [Interesting]

2009-11-13T01:00:25Z

Murder suspect tells jury he has the cure for global warming, knows how to win in Afghanistan, and that George Bush was just a figurehead while he really ran the country. It should come as no surprise that he represented himself in court [Weird]

2009-11-13T00:49:32Z

...and when they covered the Jews' cars in sticky-notes I said nothing, because I was not a Jew [Stupid]

2009-11-13T00:07:28Z

Photoshop this barrier balancer [Photoshop]

2009-11-12T23:58:57Z

You can make your very own Tamiflu at home. I'm sure this will end well [Strange]

2009-11-12T23:50:29Z

Ohio couple married 61 years and died one day apart. There is no escape. Did you hear me? NO ESCAPE [Scary]

2009-11-12T23:37:33Z

Elmo vs Spiderman vs Chewbacca: LA's superhero turf wars heat up again [Amusing]

2009-11-12T22:51:30Z

John King to replace Lou Dobbs, says CNN. Dobbs' wife reportedly pleased [Interesting]

2009-11-12T22:46:32Z

Guy's cell phone minutes run out, so he calls 911 five times to see if anyone will have sex with him [Florida]

2009-11-12T21:21:29Z

POP [Followup]

2009-11-12T21:15:28Z

Woman wins $1M McDonalds Monopoly prize. Plans to use winnings on new house, car, angioplasty [Spiffy]

2009-11-12T19:20:13Z

[link] [59 comments]

You went full North by Northwest, dude. Never go full North by Northwest [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T19:17:28Z

Not news: ex-soldier finds a gun in his garden - Still not news: man hands gun into police - Fark: Now faces 5 years in prison for possessing a firearm [Scary]

2009-11-12T19:15:10Z

Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yeah, Bow wow yippie yo yippie yeah (c) [Cool]

2009-11-12T18:55:29Z

Welcome to the internet, where men are men, women are men, and that 14 year old girl you're propositioning is actually your wife [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T18:41:14Z

Using only a cell phone and a pelican, man turns his $2 Million Bugatti into a submarine [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T18:28:12Z

Unknown substance found on NJ Transit train. Probably cleanser [PSA]

2009-11-12T18:07:11Z

90% of students at City University of New York can't do basic algebra. So, you know...just like the rest of the country [Sad]

2009-11-12T17:33:16Z

[link] [71 comments]

"Main Street merchants want crack at market" in Santa Monica, says poorly worded headline. Presumably this would be gourmet organic locally-grown crack [Amusing]

2009-11-12T17:19:07Z

14-year-old boy attacked by cougar, police say. His girlfriend isn't amused [Obvious]

2009-11-12T17:14:49Z

"Spiritualist" police trainer who called for the British police to include mediums and psychics in their investigation sues for discrimination after his bosses manage to stop laughing for long enough to sack him [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T17:13:48Z

First Paragraph: Police say a Twin Lake man broke into a woman's mobile home last week, pulled out a clump of her hair, punched her in the face and stole two couch cushions before leaving [Amusing]

2009-11-12T16:54:13Z

Just in case Scotland didn't have enough problems already, now the beaches are radioactive [Scary]

2009-11-12T16:40:43Z

In a strange twist never before seen, teen uses Facebook to keep himself OUT of jail [Cool]

2009-11-12T16:06:51Z

Evidently unable to afford a trailer home, man arrested for operating a mobile meth lab on his moped [Amusing]

2009-11-12T15:58:52Z

Photoshop what this newlywedded Farker and his wife should be holding [Photoshop]

2009-11-12T15:49:57Z

"Brain-delving boffins in key monkey-butler breakthrough" [Obvious]

2009-11-12T15:22:53Z

Royal Air Force display team announces its first female pilot. For safety's sake, she will be surrounded by men in bright red planes [Cool]

2009-11-12T15:16:45Z

After putting out an arrest warrant on Spider-Man for hitting a guy, police find that they have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Spider-Men to deal with [Amusing]

2009-11-12T15:16:42Z

Welfare recipient and sometime model caught with four pounds of coke in her Benz. She is a naughty person, and subby votes for the Castle Anthrax punishment [Obvious]

2009-11-12T15:11:51Z

Man-gagement rings, made of masculine materials like steel, tungsten and cobalt, are gaining popularity among brides that buy them, jewelers that sell them, and douche bags that wear them [Stupid]

2009-11-12T14:27:47Z

[link] [70 comments]

Health officials advising against kids sitting on Santa's lap this year because of swine flu [Sad]

2009-11-12T14:21:42Z

Now I'll turn this dial - let me know if your view of me masturbating gets more or less focused [Sick]

2009-11-12T14:00:47Z

100-year-old refuses to retire, signing five-year lawnmowing contract. So keep off it [Hero]

2009-11-12T12:45:01Z

Wife pulls knife on husband because he took her vodak away. He holds her at bay with a chair while dialing 911 [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T12:26:09Z

Gallant parks his car in legally designated spaces and treats authority figures with respect. Goofus punches parking enforcement officers, drags them into the road, and bites them on the face [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T12:03:45Z

Guy calls police to report his roommates are smashing potatoes over imaginary woman's head [Florida]

2009-11-12T11:55:30Z

"Stripper-mobile" just proves everything about Las Vegas has become absolutely ridiculous. That sound you hear is Dino and Frank spinning in their graves (with news video) [Stupid]

2009-11-12T11:29:57Z

What does a death sentence really mean? If you're in California, it means years and years of living in better conditions than the lifers get [Interesting]

2009-11-12T10:46:33Z

The curious case of heroin buttons [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T10:04:58Z

Pregnant teen arrested for burglary, goes into labor while being arrested. I hear mug shots make great birth announcements [Asinine]

2009-11-12T09:59:08Z

Photoshop this iguana [Photoshop]

2009-11-12T08:41:39Z

Ron Jeremy showing college campuses he's a master debater [Amusing]

2009-11-12T08:40:54Z

A Massachusetts man is suing Bon Jovi, Time Warner and Major League Baseball for $400 billion because being stupid just doesn't pay enough [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T07:35:31Z

Police accidently ship 25 lbs of pot to prison in a crate maked as fruit. Fortunately the inmates who discovered mistake reported it immediately to prison authorities [Fail]

2009-11-12T06:35:34Z

Aussie bomb sniffing dog lost in Afghanistan desert for a year and presumed dead is rescued by US soldier. With happy one-year-late-bath pics. Subby has something in his eye [Sappy]

2009-11-12T05:36:01Z

"Some" senior citizens are cancelling their AARP memberships in an Obamacare protest. The rest will have their membership cancelled... soon enough [Misc]

2009-11-12T05:06:34Z

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 236: "Destroyed." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

2009-11-12T05:01:00Z

[link] [106 comments]

Problem: Humans eat sharks, so sharks can't eat stingrays, so stingrays eat oysters. Solution: Humans eat stingrays [Interesting]

2009-11-12T04:08:28Z

Colorado's medical marijuana community wants to police itself, what could possibly go bong? [Unlikely]

2009-11-12T03:57:33Z

British MPs preparing to beat off invading horde of Olympic hookers, which seems backward to submitter [Silly]

2009-11-12T03:46:10Z

Pizza delivery guy parks his car in a fire lane. Fortunately, he left the engine running, so a good samaritan saved him from a ticket by stealing the car [Dumbass]

2009-11-12T02:09:52Z

The coolest street scenes of Havana you'll see all day [Cool]

2009-11-12T01:51:16Z

Kansas City teacher fired after making jokes about Florida. Students erect signs to save his job [Asinine]

2009-11-12T01:22:24Z

Banana robber to face trial. He's expected to file a peel [Followup]

2009-11-12T01:01:19Z

Photoshop this building site break [Photoshop]

2009-11-11T23:58:39Z

Imposter busted for posing as decorated Marine. Bonus: Charade was discovered at H.S. reunion when he ran into a real Navy Commander [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T21:31:57Z

[link] [72 comments]

The coolest photo of Devils Tower you've seen since your routine training flight went missing in 1945 [Cool]

2009-11-11T20:15:57Z

[link] [56 comments]

Find yourself recently single and with no clue how to proceed? You are in luck. Come on out to the first ever Divorce, Separation and Bereavement fair [Cool]

2009-11-11T19:39:53Z

Remember when New London took those homes and the Supreme Court said it was OK because they had this great development plan worked out with Pfizer...? Yeah, it didn't quite work out [Fail]

2009-11-11T18:51:00Z

[link] [70 comments]

The deep-sea crab that eats trees....who knew you can grow trees at the bottom of the ocean [Weird]

2009-11-11T18:42:54Z

Photoshop these masks [Photoshop]

2009-11-11T17:53:39Z

New Jersey judge allows quadriplegic man to buy guns. "He plans to mount the gun on his wheelchair and operate it with a breathing tube" [Strange]

2009-11-11T17:20:12Z

[link] [66 comments]

Next time you think about yelling at your three-year old for digging in the yard, remember this story [Sappy]

2009-11-11T17:11:53Z

Kyrgyzstan rejects UN ban on death penalty, offer of vowels [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T16:51:40Z

[link] [51 comments]

You know the price of college textbooks is getting out of hand when one gang of thieves can steal $90,000 of them from local libraries [Asinine]

2009-11-11T16:34:52Z

AMA calls for more marijuana research, Doritos [Hero]

2009-11-11T16:29:11Z

Problem: kids selling candy didn't raise much money for their middle school last year. Solution: sell grades instead [Fail]

2009-11-11T16:27:17Z

How about a bra that doubles as a putting green with a built in speaker, pockets for extra balls and tees, and a detachable flag pin that serves as a score pin? Thanks, Japan [Amusing]

2009-11-11T16:24:55Z

Not news: four muggers rob man. News: the man is an Army reservist. Fark: they return his wallet, apologize, and thank him for his service. UltraFark: one of the muggers gives him a fistbump [Interesting]

2009-11-11T16:12:40Z

On the 11th hour, of the 11th day, of the 11th month the guns fell silent. Thanks to all the men and women who gave their lives for the country and braved the senselessness of war [Hero]

2009-11-11T16:00:00Z

[link] [145 comments]

Okay then, your request to leave Scientology has been approved, all that remains is for you to claim your free fisting from Tom Cruise [Asinine]

2009-11-11T15:50:16Z

PROTIP: If you're trying to lure cats out of hiding, don't use a lighter. It can only end one of two ways: badly and really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really badly [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T15:49:46Z

Some new fathers pass out cigars after the birth of their newborn. Others gather up the placenta and make it into a bendable teddy bear [Strange]

2009-11-11T15:47:51Z

Get run over by a secret service agent once, shame on you. Get run over by a secret service agent twice, shame on...you [Sad]

2009-11-11T15:35:09Z

To our Fark Veterans on Veterans Day: Here is a thread full of snark and thanks [Hero]

2009-11-11T15:26:08Z

[link] [83 comments]

Three more scientists quit in protest at the Great Nutt Sack Controversy [Followup]

2009-11-11T15:11:50Z

Britons are amongst the ugliest people in the world, according to a new report from the Institute of People with Functional Eyes [Obvious]

2009-11-11T14:21:15Z

In an effort to win Afghan hearts and minds, the U.S. military sends more lawyers [Ironic]

2009-11-11T14:12:18Z

Company in charge of UK rail network transporting 200 employees to conference by bus because train tickets are too expensive. Ironic and Obvious tags forced to stand after Amusing tag gets last seat onboard [Amusing]

2009-11-11T13:59:56Z

Man teaches kids how to stay out of gangs, protect the goal during shootouts [Strange]

2009-11-11T13:58:48Z

Meet the man who makes beer with such ingredients as ham and cheese, Bac-O-Bits, peanut butter and chocolate, and Nutella [Strange]

2009-11-11T13:55:34Z

After numerous civilian deaths and a long campaign of stonewalling, brinksmanship, and coverup, independent inspectors will finally allowed inside. Iran? Guess again [Stupid]

2009-11-11T13:54:15Z

Let this be a lesson to you all, make sure you have a good nap before you try and pick any locks [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T13:48:44Z

Man up to no guoda attempts to steal three blocks of cheese. Men in bleu say no whey, arrest him before he can edam up and achieve his feta accompli [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T13:29:47Z

Duly noted in this obituary: Giant clanking testicles do not stop one from giving one's windscreen a proper cleaning, even if it means nearly stalling out the plane to lean out the window while under German fire [Hero]

2009-11-11T13:13:51Z

British woman christens her new pet dog. In a pub. With beer [Amusing]

2009-11-11T13:13:44Z

Darth Vader ends his tenure as a Dark Lord of the Sith and finds new work as a cathedral gargoyle. He still finds your lack of faith disturbing [Weird]

2009-11-11T12:23:15Z

Japanese government imposes waistline standard in attempt to avoid American-style epidemic of obesity: 33.5 inches for men, 35.4 inches for women [Weird]

2009-11-11T12:11:13Z

Jane Fonda says her sex life at 71 is better than ever, provided you don't get impaled by her metal hip [Unlikely]

2009-11-11T11:44:30Z

Faced with a high school student wanting to bring her girlfriend to the prom, the principal does the only rational thing and threatens to cancel the prom (w/pic of what a high school lesbian might look like) [Asinine]

2009-11-11T10:39:40Z

[link] [60 comments]

Liquor store owner charged with being unable to recite her ABCs, or something. The Sheriff even has a special team for alphabetical enforcement [Silly]

2009-11-11T09:20:32Z

Photoshop this carnival carriage [Photoshop]

2009-11-11T09:17:39Z

Man threatens 9-year old girls with a nail-gun unless they play 'spin-the-bottle' with him. Prosecutor: "He promised chocolate cake - but there was no chocolate cake". That's right man - get him on false advertising [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T08:32:36Z

If you're in Brazil and can read this, congratulations, you're not in the half of that country that's lost power [Scary]

2009-11-11T07:41:41Z

United Airlines pilot E. Vermont Washington charged with being in a drunken state (or two) at Heathrow [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T06:29:31Z

Middle school food fight leads to 25 arrests. FOOD FIGHT [Asinine]

2009-11-11T05:08:38Z

High Fructose Corn Syrup raises hypertension risk 87%. Put down the Mountain Dew and back away slowly [Scary]

2009-11-11T04:57:38Z

News: Man robs home. Fark: He leaves behind part of his nose [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T03:31:28Z

"DC Sniper" is pining for the fjords [NewsFlash]

2009-11-11T03:24:34Z

[link] [94 comments]

Barely breathing frat pledge registers BAC of nearly .500. Welcome to Phi Delta Theta, son [Dumbass]

2009-11-11T01:57:10Z

[link] [53 comments]

The traffic sign from L.A. Story has a cousin who lives in a gas pump at a 76 station in the Valley [Amusing]

2009-11-11T01:18:12Z

Photoshop this Chinese catwalker [Photoshop]

2009-11-11T01:05:39Z

Good job being mature enough not to get freaked out by periods anymore. Here are 10 facts that will put an end to that [Interesting]

2009-11-11T00:57:09Z

Fort Hood shooter is "aware that he's a suspect" according to his attorney [Obvious]

2009-11-11T00:57:08Z

Man comes home from vacation. No, wait. Let me re-phrase that [Strange]

2009-11-11T00:26:07Z

Ice-floe rescuers in Canada need to be rescued by ice-floe rescuers, who need to be rescued by ice-floe rescuers [Followup]

2009-11-11T00:05:06Z

Diapernaut gets a year of probation [Followup]

2009-11-10T23:35:05Z

Google to Murdoch: "If publishers want their content to be removed from Google News specifically all they need to do it tell us." [Amusing]

2009-11-10T23:18:58Z

[link] [52 comments]

Pre-paralegals from some community college defeat pre-laws from Yale, Villanova, Boston College, Wake Forest, Boston University, Dartmouth and Wellesley at a mock trial competition [Unlikely]

2009-11-10T23:10:05Z

"Anyone who found a block of cheese is asked to contact police." [Fail]

2009-11-10T23:06:04Z

Marine reservist attacks Greek Orthodox priest with a tire iron, then calls police to brag he's caught a terrorist [Florida]

2009-11-10T23:03:06Z

Minnesota traffic snarled after a fatal 4-cow accident. Witnesses at the scene describe udder chaos [Unlikely]

2009-11-10T22:58:12Z

Mass shooting outside Portland, OR, up to 10 victims [News]

2009-11-10T22:23:10Z

[link] [151 comments]

Move over, al Queda--there's a new jihadi code in town, and it doesn't like the way you play [Hero]

2009-11-10T21:40:01Z

3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow... Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird... Avian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig... Swine flu. Next year is the year of the cock...Anybody else worried? [Scary]

2009-11-10T21:36:04Z

Man charged for allegedly assaulting construction worker with a backhoe. Officials say the victim was lucky he didn't suffer grader harm [Dumbass]

2009-11-10T21:25:03Z

Evidence found of plot to kill cartoonist, but details are sketchy [Followup]

2009-11-10T19:24:50Z

[link] [41 comments]

?The best part of waking up is a CTA bus crashing into the side of your house? [Scary]

2009-11-10T18:57:39Z

The president calls him..."The Crustmaster" [Cool]

2009-11-10T18:50:40Z

[link] [53 comments]

Hello, insurance company, yeah a grizzly bear ate my airplane [Scary]

2009-11-10T18:35:30Z

Man charged with sexually assaulting 14-year-old girl over several months, even though he paid her mom each time, fair and square [Dumbass]

2009-11-10T18:31:24Z

If you're a cop it's probably best not to wait three days to send a runaway home. You might just get fired. Also you shouldn't really have sex with him either [Dumbass]

2009-11-10T18:18:38Z

[link] [40 comments]

Not news: Woman buys $300 worth of stuff from Menards. Still not news: They don't charge her for $5.99 worth of drill bits. Fark: They make her pay $150 to not call the cops on her for shoplifting [Asinine]

2009-11-10T17:40:41Z

Possible hostage situation in Jefferson City, MO government building. Information is sparse, but witnesses say police are moving on up [News]

2009-11-10T17:39:41Z

In honor of the Marine Corps birthday here is a list of notable Marines. Jonathan Winters? Really? Semper Fi [Hero]

2009-11-10T17:39:40Z

Apparently, more people will want to buy a product that is offered at a cheaper price compared to the higher prices for that product at competing sellers. Huh [Obvious]

2009-11-10T17:25:27Z